Thanksgiving is Coming!! :D

I'm super excited. Thursday is Thanksgiving, which means we're one holiday closer to Christmas!!!!! Yay!! My very favorite holiday ever! :D I just wish my Beloved could be here... -Sigh.- As a family we have so much to be thankful for this year though. We've had quite a few hardships, true, but God has his hand on us and is taking care of us as always. Jena's diagnosis of cancer is scary.. But it also could be worse. She only has one tumor, and that's it. It's not in her organs or bones, and the doctors are sure that she can be healed. As for me and my heart problems.. Well.. It's nothing I haven't been through before. Anyway.. The next couple of days are going to be extremely busy. Mom's got to take Jena and Dani to Houston to see the dr so they can check her white blood cells to make sure they're not too low after her first round of chemo, and I have to clean and disinfect the house... Which is something we'd have to do before Jena could come over anyway... Then Wednesday we're gonna start cooking. I get to cook the pies... Which is super exciting to me! :D Lol. I love baking pies. We're also doing at least the dressing... I think everything else will wait until Thursday. Now... How do I get my Beloved here with me for the holiday??? Lol. :)

Update

So... It's been a while since I blogged. Let's see.. I've been laid off again. Gigi went home, and she seems to be doing well. I've been looking for a job, but no luck yet. Staci's in school... she's in her Jr. year. I can't believe she's almost 17!! Not only that, but Jena's almost 1!!! :( My babies are growing up. We've moved into the house for the most part... There are still some things that need to be hung, etc that we haven't gotten to because dad has been working sooo much!! But, we'll get there. We've started going to Church on Sundays. It's nice. We go with Travis and Dani and the baby, and then we go have lunch afterward. I love being with the family. The first Sunday we went mom looked down at all of us in line on the pew and started crying!! She said she was just so happy and proud to look down and see us all. I think part of it may be that she hasn't really been in church truly since Aunt Cyndi died. Not that she stopped believing or anything, she just.. couldn't go to church for some reason. We were going to Dani's grandparent's church, which is a great church. We truly enjoy it, but it's so far away from us that we're not sure if we'll go anymore. We've been thinking about trying the church down the road from our house, but we'll see. Anyway... That's about all I have to say now... I miss my Beloved.. She's been busy with school and such, and my internet connection on my phone sucks lately, so I haven't been able to talk to her for a while. But, we're doing ok, I think.. I just miss her. That's about it.... Lol..

A Place of Our Own... FINALLY!!!

So, mom finally reached the breaking point with Nana. It has been a long time coming, and it's about time if you ask me. We were staying with Nana at her request. Both, to help her with her bills and yard etc, and so we could try to save money to get a house of our own soon. At least that's what she said when she asked us to stay there a few years ago. Of course, when we moved in there, we were paying $800 a month, plus buying all the groceries, so we couldn't actually save a dime. Not to mention the fact that we did all the cooking, kept the house clean, and did the yard work. And did we get a drop of appreciation for all of this?? NO! All we got was criticism. For example: She went to Tennessee to work on her other house for a week or two back in March. We maintained the house on a regular basis, as we would if she was home, and then the weekend before her return we overhauled the house completely. Scrubbed the bathrooms, kitchen, floors, windows, not an inch of the house was left untidy. Not a speck of dust was to be seen, which, since it is a brick house with wood and tile flooring is not an easy task! The yard was mowed and weedeated, we even cleaned out the flowerbeds!! Do you think we got a "The house looks great" or "Thank you?" No. We got... "Why didn't you clean out the back fence?" Which, honestly is on par with what we expected to get, but it still hurts that the hard work and effort you put forth is ignored. As if that wasn't bad enough, she treated my mother abysmally. She was always critical of everything she did, she would go out and do things with her other daughter, which, is fine, except, she wouldn't even call and let us know anything and mom would have dinner ready and we would be waiting for her only for her to waltz in and say "Oh, I've already eaten." And she constantly lied about what she was doing, which was stupid because none of us gave a crap what she did, but it would aggravate when we found out she had lied, and it hurt mom to boot. But the final straw came when she accused my brother of stealing. When my brother was in school he took a photography class, and he paid my Nana $50 for an old Cannon camera she had. He used it, and it went into storage when we moved. Well, a few months ago she suddenly decided she wanted the camera back, and mom told her that we would get it when we got a chance to go out to storage. Well, we went to storage, brought the camera back, and it sat in mom's room for a while. Nana didn't bring it up again, and we forgot that she wanted it. Not a big deal. Well, one night Travis came over and he was standing there playing with the camera and showing his wife the lens. Nana saw this and became enraged, claiming Travis had gone into her room to steal the lens. Which, was untrue, the lens had been in the case when he opened it. He had purchased it with the camera. Nana threw a fit, saying she hadn't sold him the camera, she had lent it to him... A favored tactic of hers by the way... The wicker bed I sleep on now was purchased by my mother when she was younger, and Nana claimed years later it was hers and mom wound up having to purchase her own bed back from her mother! Anyway... There was a huge fight and mom told her that we would be out by the end of the week. The next day, mom went out and looked around and found us a house!! It's a tiny little thing. It has 3 bedrooms, so we all have our own space though. It does have only one bathroom, but we take turns using it. :) It's cute, and cozy, and we are slowly making it ours. We bought furniture and we're getting our pictures and things hung on the walls. We absolutely love having our own place even if it is just renting for now! And it's like, $50 a month cheaper, so we're saving money there and on groceries! It's so great not to have to walk around on egg shells so as not to upset Nana anymore. We're so happy. The only other flaw it has besides being only 1 bathroom is that our internet has been spotty since we moved. We're not sure if there's something wrong with the card, or if it's because of all the trees. It works better on my computer, but I'm not able to get it very often unfortunately. Other than that though, it's great!! As soon as we get everything settled, I'll post pictures for everyone to see. :)

Beloved..

No, this is not a picture of my Beloved. In my opinion she is far more beautiful than this. However, this picture does make me think of her as does most everything. Beloved and I recently decided to try being just friends and see where nature takes our relationship. It is the single most gut wrenching thing I've ever endured. I feel like my heart is in a vice.. It hurts to breathe.. But.. I want her to be happy. No matter what the cost to me. So.. We're trying it. I can only hope that her feelings for me return and she can come back to me soon. I think the only place I'm happy anymore is my dreams, where I can once again be with her the way we were before. So.... Dream Love: I lay in my bed, cold and alone. Curling into a fetal position to close the hole in my chest where my heart once was. Tears stream silently down my face.. I can't let anyone see my pain. Slowly the merciful darkness of sleep pulls me under, and once more I'm in your arms. Soft light flickers across your face as I brush back silken strands of hair to gaze into the warm dark pools of your eyes. I capture your perfect lips in a kiss, savoring the sweetness of you on my tongue. Your fingertips trace fire across my soul and I shiver as you consume me. Your skin is like satin under my hands and mouth and I inhale as much of you as I can before daybreak. As the sun rises you whisper to me that you'll return with the moon, and the tears shatter my solace. Once again I am alone.. sobbing quietly into my pillow for you to come back. Lonely and broken I must rise again and face a new day bravely, counting down the hours until nightfall and the return of my dream love.

Crying Myself to Sleep and Choking on Three Little Words I'm Not Allowed to Say

Beloved and I decided to just try being friends. Let things work themselves out, let nature take it's course, see where we go. I'm terrified. I don't want to lose her. What if she falls for someone else, or we just quit talking entirely?? This is the single hardest thing I've ever done in my life. She says that maybe if we date other people and tell each other about it as close friends then we'll fall for one another again. The problem with that is.. I never fell out. She says she's not dating, that she won't even be looking, and I trust her, truly I do... But.. I have no desire to date anyone else. I wish I knew what to do. I love you Beloved. I know I'm not supposed to tell you that, but... It's the truth.. My heart hurts....

Poor Gigi!!

She had a really bad stroke Sunday with a seizure and everything. She wasn't sure for a while who she was, where she was, or who the hell everyone around her was, but she's much better now. Kristy said she's up and around and remembering, so it's good. I guess I'll be back at work soon, but I'm not sure. I've actually kind of missed working.. Though maybe not the hospital. Lol. I hope everything turns out alright. :)

Back to work..

Have I mentioned that I bloody hate hospitals?? Lol. Poor Gigi is back in the hospital, she was having some colon problems and passing blood, so now we're back here. I've been staying with her through the night this week. Idk how much longer she's going to be here, but I'm not sure how many more times I can be awakened at 4 in the morning by a loud ass nurse coming in and taking blood. I might shoot someone. Other than that though, it's been really easy. :) Plus it's been good to be back at work. I just wish Gigi felt better. :(

Blog

I can't always come up with clever titles, so you get Blog. Lol. Today was a fun day.. got up and cleaned the house a little bit, then this boy that Staci likes came over, and he got here right as Travis and Dani came to drop off the baby. :) I fed her breakfast and we played with her and visited with Shawn for a while, and then he left and we cooked dinner. Travis and Dani came to eat, and we had a nice visit. Momma cooked one of my favorite meals!! Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and fried zucchini.. YUM! Now, I'm putting off doing the dishes. Ugh. Lol. There aren't that many, I did most of them before dinner, I'm just being lazy. I have to finish cleaning my room too... -Sigh!- I suppose I'll go do that then... J'Adore Beloved!! Cheers!

Update

So, I haven't blogged in a long while. My last blog saw me really down in the dumps. I am still concerned about the future and my Beloved's feelings or lack thereof for me. However, we are able to talk a lot more lately, and I hope that that is a good sign. Optimistic Mandy is back! Lol. I can never be down too long, it's just not in my nature. I am confident again that I will regain her love. In other news: I turned 26 Saturday last. My family went on a big trip to San Antonio for the weekend. We went up there partly because my aunt bought our washer and dryer and we were delivering it. But, we also just wanted to get away and relax. We stayed at a really nice hotel and had a great time. We went to the zoo, my nieces first time!! She was adorable as ever, but wholly uninterested in the animals. I think she was a bit too young to truly understand. Lol. We went to Market Square and looked around too, and that was as fun as ever. Something we always do when we go there. We tried the pool, but it was really really chlorinated, and crowded. It was an indoor pool too, so every noise was echoed and made louder. Plus these stupid people had their kids in there while they were outside drinking and flirting, and they were jumping around and splashing, and it scared Jena. When I yelled at the second kid for jumping into the pool right next to the baby, mom decided it was time to go. I guess she figured I'm not usually the type to yell at other people, so if I'm saying something it's a big deal. It wouldn't have been except for my baby was there, and she was scared and I wanted to drown the cretin for doing it. I'm a bit protective of my niece. Lol. Also, my dad got the job at Trio!! He's got this truly hideous work van, I'll have to take a picture and post it so you can see how horrific it is!! Lol. But, I think he's so proud to have a job he doesn't care. Lol. It's great to see him happy again. My poor brother though.. He didn't do well enough in his apprenticeship class to live up to union standards, so the school dropped him and the company he was working for fired him! It's such crap. We're all so upset over it. He and his wife have been out every day this week job hunting. My little sister also wants to get a summer job, so that means all four of us are looking for employment now! Lol. I really hope we get something soon. It's so frustrating looking and not finding anything. Oh!! And we think that Jena is getting her first tooth on top!! :D She acts like she's chewing all the time, and I think she's clicking her teeth together because she likes the sound. It's SOOO ADORABLE!!!! Lol. Anyway, I think that's all for tonight. I'm starting a Diet Journal on here and I'll be writing in it every day, so hopefully I'll write more here too!! Lol. Well, nighty night!! Love you Beloved!! Cheers.

Hurt.....

She doesn't think about me much anymore. I just don't cross her mind. My heart has been ripped from my chest. It actually hurts to breathe. And what's worse.. I can't show it. I still have to be strong and pretend I'm ok for my family. I have to smile and act like my heart is still intact, still beating and healthy inside of me. But it's not. It's across the ocean in a far away place. And it hurts. I hope that she's not thinking of me because she's busy.. but I can't be sure that's what it is. Overcome with depression. At least tonight I can curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. Not that it's a new thing.. I do that quite often lately. But I wish I could stop. I wish I could win her heart back. I wish she'd realize we're Soulmates.. I'm so tired.. but I don't want to give up on her. It's my fault.. I'm pathetic.

Life

So.. dad got a call today.. He called a friend of his a couple of days ago and the guy finally called back. He's got an interview Friday with the place.. they're willing to pay the $25 an hour dad wants and he'd get a service van!! It's so great! The guy says that the interview is really just a formality, so it looks like dad could have a job by next week!! It's so awesome.. I'm really optimistic about it. :) The Flow Process Technologies position I interviewed for however... -sigh- they still haven't made a decision. The longer I wait the more scared I am. I'm still hopeful that they will call me sometime this week though. As for any other job, I've got nothin. I'm miserable. Cheers.

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!

I am soooo frustrated!! That stupid job STILL hasn't made a hiring decision!! The lady who does the hiring (The Owner's Wife) hasn't come into the office at all this week!! That's just rude. Not only am I waiting to find out if I got the job, but 8 other people interviewed for it!! Not only that, but Carolyn told me that she really needs someone to help her in the office! I guess just because this woman has money she doesn't think about the consequences of her actions on other people. My next door neighbor, and recent employer, knows the guy and says that the wife is just really lazy. I'm so sick of waiting around. On the upside.. I've got half a manicure.. Lol. Momma's doing a manicure for me but she had to stop to go pick up my sister from school. Lol. She's totally freaking out, saying they look awful.. but they don't!! They look really good for this being the first time she's ever done them!! Plus, I don't go anywhere so who cares!! She wants me to get my nails done at the salon tomorrow when Staci does, but I refuse. I'm not spending that money needlessly. Staci is going to Prom, she has a reason for getting her nails done.. I don't. I'm not going to lie.. I would love to go get my nails professionally done.. I would love for us all to be able to get our nails done.. including momma! But.. I'm not going to spend that money. Especially when I need heart medications. When/if I get a job, then I'll think about getting them done professionally. Until then.. I'm happy with a home job. :) I miss my Beloved.

Mother's Day

We had a nice Mother's Day today. We started out working along the fence line again and we worked for about an hour and a half before Nana came home and cooked brunch. Then we came in and ate and I cleaned up the kitchen and we watched The Blindside. It was a very sweet, very touching movie and I loved it! Beloved, if you have not seen it yet you should watch it you would adore Sandra Bullock's southern accent in it! ;) Lol. After that I marinated the steaks for dinner and we watched some more tv. Then Jena came over and we got to play with her and eat a wonderful dinner of steak and vegetables! Then Sissy cleaned the kitchen tonight.. which secretly was my favorite part! Lol. Now everyone's in bed and I am headed there shortly. I love you my darling Beloved!

Insomnia Attacks!

So.. I don't know if I got too much caffeine today, or if it was the long nap I took earlier when I was feeling bad, but I'm having a major insomnia attack. I'm simply not sleepy. Normally I would be talking to my Beloved right now.. but she's still busy and unsure and I do not get to talk to her very much at all anymore. Throw on top of that the fact that she's spending a lot of time.. even more than usual.. with the one friend I'm incredibly jealous and worried about. -Sigh- I just have too much going on in my life. I have a job I'm waiting to find out if I got.. I had an interview on Wednesday and I thought I would find out on Friday if it was mine or not but.. no dice. She was still interviewing Friday. I think she liked me, but I'm not sure if someone with more experience showed up what would she do? The job is perfect too and far more than needing it I WANT it! The starting pay is $11 an hour.. with a possible increase after 30-90 days. Full health insurance and severely discounted vision and dental. It's an office clerk position and it's literally right around the corner from my house! 3 miles. That's it. I can ride a bike. I would have my own office.. It's just a supremely cool job. And I'm sooo scared I'm not going to get it. I don't want to go back to looking for a job! I'm afraid of so much lately. I'm afraid my Beloved is never going to love me again, that I've lost her forever. I'm afraid I won't get this job and get back to school. I'm afraid my family is going to go hungry because the damned economy is so bad that my dad won't be able to find a job either. Life sucks sometimes. Optimism is severely tested. I feel myself sinking into a depression and there are no handholds on the way down the tunnel. Can someone throw me a rope? J'adore Beloved! Cheers.

Me?? Breadwinner?? Eep! :(

So.. my dad got laid off yesterday. We kind of saw it coming, but we are still shocked it happened. The company he was working for is owned by my mom's ex brother in law, well, actually his father... As a matter of fact, he put off going to work for them because he didn't want to upset the aunt who had been married to the guy, but when she said it was ok, he went to work there because he was promised an opportunity to be promoted and advance. Well, since he wouldn't cheat the customers to get more money for the company, he was demoted from the position he worked so hard for, and treated like crap. Finally, they laid off my brother who was working with them as an apprentice, and we knew it would only be a matter of time before dad was laid off too. After the pestered him to death to get him to come work with them. My mom is so upset.. she's been crying and depressed since we found out yesterday, and my optimism has been put to the test. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed and praying very hard that he finds a new job soon, or if worse comes to worse that mom does, because right now I'm the only one in the family working. It wouldn't be so daunting if I got paid more than $7 an hour and my hours hadn't been cut back by at least 2 days the past few weeks. We can't survive long on only what I make. And my mom is afraid that if we can't pay our rent Nana will ask us to move, and we have no idea what we will do if that happens. We have to wait at least 3 weeks for dad to get unemployment also.. -Sigh- We'll be ok though... the Lord always takes care of us. He won't let us down this time. Who knows, maybe dad's next job will offer better opportunities. :)

Wow...

It's been soooo long since I've blogged!! Lol. I've not really got much to say. I've just been working and watching Jenabeth grow unbelievably fast!! She's 6 months old already!! I can't believe it. She weighs like, 15 pounds, is 25 inches long, and has her first tooth!! She's pulling herself up on tables and stuff too! I want her to stay a baby forever!! :( Lol. Mimi and Pappy got her a walker for Easter, but it didn't sit low enough to the ground for her to reach, so they have to take it back and get a different one. I wonder if she will find running over toes as amusing as her daddy did?? Lol. She loves her Aunt Mandy though. It's great. At work, Gigi gets stronger everyday. She walks around by herself all day and she's working in the kitchen as I write this. I ask if she needs help, and she never lets me do anything! Lol. She's trying to prove she can do things on her own so she can go home. I'm actually kind of starting to worry about my job. Lol. A friend of mine asked me if I wanted a job taking care of a 96 year old gentleman he knows. I don't know the rate of pay or anything.. All I know is that he lives in New Jersey in a beach house... I'm not sure I could move to Jersey away from my family, but if the money is good enough, I might have to consider it. Especially if my job here ends. Even if it doesn't, depending on the benefits, I might have to take the job there and mom could take over here with Gigi.. depending on if it would help the family. I wouldn't just take the job for nothing. I don't really want to be so far away from them. Anyway.. ugh! I get so tired of soap operas!! Lol. They all have the same plot. Let me summarize for you. There's a crazy person who is tormenting the townsfolk... at least one person in town has cancer and needs a bone marrow transplant, a donor for which is apparently impossible to find, and the beautiful young woman married to the elderly wealthy man is worried about the ex wife who's suddenly come into the picture again. Throw in a couple of amnesias, a long lost relative or two, and that's as deep as it goes. It's sickening. What's worse, I'm starting to get dragged into the damned things!! I'm even starting to recognize people in them. Ugh! Lol. J'adore my darling!

Patience...

I got to talk to my beloved for a bit today. :) I miss her so terribly when we have long absences from one another. Actually... I miss her always. Right now watching my sister and her beau is making me incredibly sad. I want to hold her and gaze into her eyes so much.. -Sigh- I am trying very hard to win her back. I'll do it. I just have to be patient and remind her that she can't live without me. :) J'adore ma cherie fiancee!! Cheers!

Boo Bronchitis!

I hate being sick. I mean, absolutely detest it. I have been sick for almost a week now and I just want to breathe normally again. I have missed two days of work and I was sent home early on Friday. It sucks. But, I'm starting to feel a bit better.. I still get exhausted very easily, but I'm not constantly sleeping, and I'm going back to work tomorrow. It's not gonna be easy.. I'm gonna be eating cough drops like candy I think and puffing my inhaler as much as I can. But, I'll get through. I kinda miss Gigi. I also miss my Beloved. -Sigh- Hopefully we'll get to talk again soon since I'm able to stay awake for more than 2 minutes at a time. Lol. I will probably blog again tomorrow as I will be doing whatever it takes in my quest to stay awake. So, until tomorrow... Cheers!

Hope?

She told me she loved me last night.. it's not the same as it was before, but it's something. I will win her love again. She's my soulmate and I'm not going to let her get away. I love you Beloved.

Grin and Bear it...

I had a horrible day yesterday. It started out just normal.. I got to work and was taking care of Gigi.. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then my friend, texted me that she lost her baby. I was shocked and upset for her and I asked a stupid question. I asked her if she was sure.. What I was trying to ask was what happened.. but it came out wrong and upset her. I hate feeling that I hurt her and her family, that certainly wasn't my intention. But to make it worse, this friend is the daughter of the neighbor I work for. It could be very bad, very awkward if something were to come between us, if I had seriously screwed up with my fumbling, no matter how good my intentions may have been. I called my mom crying and she calmed me down and everything, and since the neighbor called her and gave her the tickets to the rodeo we were supposed to get, I suppose everything's fine.. I just still feel badly. The rest of the day was uneventful until that evening. It should have been so good, my Beloved was actually able to come online and talk to me... But what she said crushed me. She's lost her love for me. She's not sure how she feels. She's promised me that she's here as long as I want her because she's not looking for anyone else.. but how fair is it to tell her to stay when she doesn't love me? Shouldn't I be a big enough person to let her go? I've asked this question before, and I still don't have the answer. I'm not strong enough. My best friend Kevin who I usually vent this stuff to... his fiancee told him she doesn't have feelings for him anymore. She packed up her things and left the apartment they shared. The wedding is off, and he's having to pick up the pieces... So I don't feel right talking to him about this. What happens to me if my Beloved never finds her love for me? What will I do without her? I love her so much... I'm miserable and depressed, and I can't even show it. I have to paste on a smile and act like I'm fine for the sake of my family. The only time I can let these feeling come out is at night when I can sob quietly into my pillow. Even now while I'm writing this at work, I'm having to bite my lip and fight back tears... I wish I could just curl up in a ball under the covers and hide.

Writer's Block

It's so frustrating! I have all of these pictures and I stare at them for so long, and I have what I feel are really good ideas running through my head for so many of them, and yet when I try putting them on paper they come out sounding juvenile and contrite. Ugh!! I suppose I'm not looking at my own writing clearly maybe, but I still know when something sounds stupid. And my attempts thus far sound stupid. -Sigh.- I'll keep trying. I'll eventually get something down on paper that is acceptable.

Back at the hospital

Gigi has bloodclots in both of her legs, so we are back in the hospital again. -Sigh- I think I have mentioned before how much I hate hospitals, but just in case I haven't... I BLOODY HATE HOSPITALS!!!! Lol. We have no idea how long she's going to be here either... the dr who came in this morning said it didn't look like they were ready to release her anytime soon... and I know that they are going to have the physical therapists come in and work with her. That'll put her in a good mood... NOT! Ugh... I think I'm going to start seeing Stroke Shirley before too long. As it is she's already a little more snippy with me than ever before. Maybe she'll be ok when she gets a little rest. Anyway.. in other news.. I have decided that I want to start writing more. I love to write short stories and such, but I've been drawing a blank on what to write about. I have decided to try an exercise I was fond of when I took my Creative Writing class in high school... I will look for pictures and art that I find interesting and inspirational and I will write whatever comes to mind when I look at it. I will eventually try to do the same with music, but for now I will stick with the visual. Hopefully something interesting will come from these practices and I will start writing again. I know it will thrill my mom... She thinks I should be published already and it vexes her that I don't write more often. Lol. Well... I suppose that's all for this blog... I'll be back later with a writing exercise!! Cheers!!

Family Day

You never know how much you miss people until you spend time with them again. My mom's younger sister is here today with her husband and her son. It's wonderful having family members around again. The house has seemed so quiet for the last almost 6 years. I like having family gathered again. :)

Nothing to blog about...

I feel the urge to blog... and yet I have absolutely nothing to write about... very annoying sensation that. -Sigh- I suppose I could write about work, but well... It's boring. Lol. Today, I got there at 6:30 AM as usual. I got Gigi's medicines in order and played on the computer, checking my applications on Facebook (I have a farm and some fish, etc.) and gazing at pictures of my beloved. :) Then, I lay down on the couch and slept for about 30 minutes before Gigi woke up and needed assistance going to the restroom. I helped her walk down the hall and waited around in case she needed help getting up and once she was settled I brought her her pain medication and prilosec and some water. Then she wanted the door closed and the light out so she could rest and let her legs quit hurting. I returned to the couch and napped some more until she called for breakfast around an hour later. I fixed her a breakfast of half an english muffin, practically burned and slathered with butter, just the way she liked it, and a bowl of fruit. She started a new medication called Lyrica today, hopefully it will help with the pain she's been having, as it is for nerve damage, and that seems to be what they think she has. The Lyrica made her dizzy and sleepy, so she laid in her chair and watched tv for a while, and then fell asleep again. During this time, I also napped some more. The reason behind all my sleeping is unknown... Maybe it's boredom, maybe I'm fighting a cold. I'm truly afraid it might be the latter... :( Anyway... She called for lunch around 11:30 and I made her a fold over sandwich and some chips and a glass of tea. When she finished that, we began getting her ready for her dr's appointment at 3 since her son would be there to pick her up around 2:30. She was dressed and ready to go by 1:20. I left her to get a nap, exhausted by the ordeal of putting on clothes, and made my own lunch of a sandwich, chips, and a soda. I read my book and slowly ate my lunch, then cleaned the kitchen and waited for her son to arrive. He was there by 2:18, they were gone by 2:30 and my mother was waiting for me in the driveway by 3:00. I came home and helped her clean the house since I'd found out that a very old, very dear friend of mine was coming for a visit. He arrived at 5, we ate at around 7, and he left at 8. So, Here I am.. bored.. wanting to blog and truly having nothing to blog about blathering on about stuff nobody cares about. Lol. -Sigh- I suppose I could go wash the dishes, but where is the fun in that?? Hmm.. It is 11 PM now though, so I probably should go and get that chore out of the way and get some sleep. Ah well.. Goodnight!! Cheers. :)

Long Time No Blog

I started out blogging quite a bit, but I just kind of quit for a long time. :( I have trouble organizing thoughts sometimes. Plus... I'm boring. Lol. I don't have anything very exciting going on in my life at the moment. My Beloved is super busy with her studies and such right now so we haven't been able to talk much... It's driving me crazy missing her, but I am trying to be patient and supportive. Of course I'll wait for her for an eternity if need be. J'adore ma cherie! Anyway.. All I've been doing lately is working and hanging out with the family. We have our niece every weekend, which is wonderful. :D I love being an aunt. We've also gone bowling quite a bit lately. I'm not very good, but I enjoy it. We're trying to save money at the moment to buy a house. We're so excited about that... Mom says we should be in our house by March!! I can't wait to have my very own room in our very own house!! I'll have my desk, and my own internet access... It'll be great to have a little bit of freedom. I don't mind living at home at 25 really... I know I have it good. I don't pay rent or anything... I help out when and where I can, but other than that, not much is expected of me... But sometimes I just need something that feels like my own space. I have my own room, but it isn't MINE. My nana has all of her stuff in it, and she's constantly worried about something happening to it... I just wanna be comfortable in my room again. Anyway... So... to summarize... all I've been doing is working, bowling, spoiling my niece and most of all, missing my Beloved. At work, Gigi's daughter has decided that she needs a new schedule... Getting her up early and making her do some of her exercises from her physical therapists... I know it's good for her, but she HATES it! Lol. It makes her so cranky. Thank God she keeps telling me that it's not my fault... I'd hate to see what she would do if she thought it was my idea!! -shudders- Lol. Much to my horror, I'm beginning to become interested in soap operas. It's terrible. Lol. Mostly General Hospital, and I watched that with my mother when I was younger... But it kills me that I actually care what happens in the stupid thing. Lol. Anyway... I'm starting to get hungry... That's the problem with eating breakfast in the mornings... I'm always starving by 11:30 or noon. Blah. Lol. Well, I'm off to eat lunch!! Cheers! :D

Misery and Patience..

I miss my Beloved so very much.. I know she is busy.. but it seems like it's been so long. To make matters worse, she's been depressed lately, and there's nothing I can do to help. :( I wish I could hold her and tell her everything will be ok. As it is I think I'm probably making things worse by telling her constantly how I miss her.. I know she feels bad, and she shouldn't.. she needs time and space to work through things.. I totally understand, really... I just.. Miss her. I'm sorry Beloved. I love you.