Grin and Bear it...

I had a horrible day yesterday. It started out just normal.. I got to work and was taking care of Gigi.. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then my friend, texted me that she lost her baby. I was shocked and upset for her and I asked a stupid question. I asked her if she was sure.. What I was trying to ask was what happened.. but it came out wrong and upset her. I hate feeling that I hurt her and her family, that certainly wasn't my intention. But to make it worse, this friend is the daughter of the neighbor I work for. It could be very bad, very awkward if something were to come between us, if I had seriously screwed up with my fumbling, no matter how good my intentions may have been. I called my mom crying and she calmed me down and everything, and since the neighbor called her and gave her the tickets to the rodeo we were supposed to get, I suppose everything's fine.. I just still feel badly. The rest of the day was uneventful until that evening. It should have been so good, my Beloved was actually able to come online and talk to me... But what she said crushed me. She's lost her love for me. She's not sure how she feels. She's promised me that she's here as long as I want her because she's not looking for anyone else.. but how fair is it to tell her to stay when she doesn't love me? Shouldn't I be a big enough person to let her go? I've asked this question before, and I still don't have the answer. I'm not strong enough. My best friend Kevin who I usually vent this stuff to... his fiancee told him she doesn't have feelings for him anymore. She packed up her things and left the apartment they shared. The wedding is off, and he's having to pick up the pieces... So I don't feel right talking to him about this. What happens to me if my Beloved never finds her love for me? What will I do without her? I love her so much... I'm miserable and depressed, and I can't even show it. I have to paste on a smile and act like I'm fine for the sake of my family. The only time I can let these feeling come out is at night when I can sob quietly into my pillow. Even now while I'm writing this at work, I'm having to bite my lip and fight back tears... I wish I could just curl up in a ball under the covers and hide.