Crying Myself to Sleep and Choking on Three Little Words I'm Not Allowed to Say

Beloved and I decided to just try being friends. Let things work themselves out, let nature take it's course, see where we go. I'm terrified. I don't want to lose her. What if she falls for someone else, or we just quit talking entirely?? This is the single hardest thing I've ever done in my life. She says that maybe if we date other people and tell each other about it as close friends then we'll fall for one another again. The problem with that is.. I never fell out. She says she's not dating, that she won't even be looking, and I trust her, truly I do... But.. I have no desire to date anyone else. I wish I knew what to do. I love you Beloved. I know I'm not supposed to tell you that, but... It's the truth.. My heart hurts....